Whew! Let me tell you, I am coming off of the craziest week that I've had in the longest time. I have never felt so burnt out. Three cakes in six days, followed by a virus that felt like strep throat, all while trying to prepare for my very first 5k race! I have never been so relieved to see a Monday!
As I sit here, I feel free. For so long it has felt like I was trying to squeeze a day off in anywhere I could. I felt so on edge every day. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, or something to clean! I have been sitting here with my coffee for two hours, just sitting. And no I don't feel guilty. It's important to reset. It's something I've come to realize is vital to survive this thing we call life. Learning to listen to your body and act accordingly takes time and discipline. I'm working hard at it. And it's also important that when you listen and stop don't feel guilty for it.
Back in March myself and some friends started running. Listen, I am not athletic and have never been a 'runner'. But we were determined, and with the help of the Couch to 5k app we were able to run 5k in 30 minutes after 8 weeks. Yesterday we entered our very first 5k race. Like I mentioned earlier I entered it totally spent. I was trying hard to recover from a terrible virus and still parent etc. I went into it thinking I was prepared but it was harder then I expected. I came to a point after about 4k where I was so physically done. I didn't think I could go on. I HAD to stop. I took a 30 seconds to take a few deep breaths and walk a few steps. I started to feel guilty because my running buddy has also been training hard and I didn't want to weigh her down. I told her to go ahead but she refused. She was encouraging and motivating. She said 'We trained together, I'm not going to leave you!'
We finally rounded the corned and she said look there is the finish line we got this. As we were coming down the hill friends were waiting and cheering us on. I was tearing up because I was doing it. I had done it! Something I never thought I could do, and I had done it.
The funny thing is, I have been replaying the whole thing in my mind for the past day. Feeling guilty for slowly my friend down, trying to justify the situation to make myself feel better, going through the 'if onlys'. It's mentally exhausting.
I have decided to look at it this way. I accomplished something big. I may not have done as good as I have hoped but it is still a big accomplishment. I listened to my body when it said enough, I took care of myself. I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. I am in a great place.
Sometimes it takes a little longer to realize it, to shut off the negative thoughts that so easily pop up. So today I sit. I am saying no when necessary and listening when my body says enough.
Being thankful for supportive friends who encourage you to keep going and don't leave you're side. Proud of big accomplishments that I couldn't achieve only a few weeks ago. Negative thoughts can rob you of joy. It takes practice but learn to let go of the negative, guilty thoughts. Celebrate those big and small moments and be full of joy!